This just in: women can tell when people hate us

Recently a special snowflake left a particularly whiny and misogynistic comment on my post 100 submissive men for every dominant woman which happened to be a perfect example of something I wanted to rant about anyway. This may come as a terrible shock, so make sure you’re sitting down and have a strong drink handy. Are you ready to have your mind blown?

Women can tell when someone hates us.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. Women are actually not unlike people – we can understand spoken words, we notice people’s actions, and we can even fit those words and actions into a mental model that allows us to draw conclusions about what sort of person we’re dealing with.

So, let’s draw some conclusions about this whiny little shit. But first, a quick aside: if you’re going to tell me not to feed the trolls, you’ll save us both some time if you just go fuck yourself now and spare me the pointless whining about how trolls will totally go away if I’m a good girl and just ignore them like you want me to. Quietly ignoring the asshats of the world fails to send the message that their behavior is not okay. And yes, I’m well aware that being a big meanie-pants mcpoopyhead to the commentor will fail to change his mind. He’s a lost cause, I’m not interested in trying to change his mind. I’m interested in blowing off steam and potentially making people who don’t completely disagree with him have second thoughts about that particular brand of idiocy.

Bit of idiocy the first:

I have had dated more than 15 different girls and had sex with them all. I can assure you that none of them, NONE of them had any dominant tendencies whatsoever. [Spelling corrected because using dominate when you meant dominant is one of my big pet peeves]

That’s nice? 15 women is not exactly a representative sample, but more importantly, there is a blindingly obvious common denominator here – the commentor! If he has never dated a woman with any interest in domination, one might possibly start thinking he’s just not very good at finding dominant women. Maybe something about him repels them, which brings us to bit of idiocy the second:

… women have way more options that men in the dating scene, as a result women don’t see the need of developing any skills to satisfy their men. In simple words, they bring nothing new to the table. The only ones that do are usually the fat or old ones because they think they need to be kinky to make up the deficiencies they have.

This is the bit I really wanted to rant about. This miserable little asshole not only hates women, but he clearly thinks we’re too stupid to figure him out. Then he acts surprised that none of us seem to be comfortable revealing any taboo sexual desires to him. God only knows why, I’d certainly feel perfectly comfortable opening up to someone who clearly despises me. Why would I be afraid that he would shame me for being the wrong sort of kinky (that is, the kind that doesn’t turn him on) or for not performing kink the right way (the right way being the way that he likes) or for failing to be the perfectly poised uberdom every second of every day or for having any sexual desires that don’t revolve around his dick? I’m 100% certain he would be kind and gracious in all of those situations. No, if you’re wondering, I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

Gee, I have no fucking idea why dominant women aren’t falling all over themselves to get a piece of this guy. I mean, nothing’s hotter than someone who is too stupid to realize he’s actively driving away the women he says he wants to have sex with.

The one thing our commentor isn’t completely wrong about is the fact that women who are conventionally attractive enough will get dates even if they have absolutely no other redeeming qualities (that article is both funny and horrifying, I highly recommend it). Fortunately, there’s a simple fix for this: stop dating women who are awful! If you want someone who is kind, interesting, funny, and adventurous in bed, why the fuck are you deciding who to pursue based on looks alone? If you treat woman like our looks are the only thing that matters, you don’t get to act surprised that some women will assume the only thing they need to be is hot.

Guys, you can’t both hate women and have satisfying relationships with us. Either get over your misogyny or get used to having boring, disconnected sex, but don’t whine and cry about how awful we are for not baring our souls to people who obviously despise us. It’s pathetic and it makes you look stupid.

16 thoughts on “This just in: women can tell when people hate us

  1. Hear, hear.

    (And thank you for fixing “dominate”! Nails on a chalkboard, that is. Aaaagh.)

    The bit about women not seeing the need to please their men made me want to bite something, and not in a sexy way. Dude has clearly never read Cosmo or paid any attention to the barrage of advice bombarding women day in and day out about how they’re supposed to tweak and fix and primp and change themselves in every possible way just to get and keep a man’s attention. At least he doesn’t seem to be promising at the same time to do “anything Mistress Goddess Ladypants wants” — I think I’d get whiplash.

    • Dude has clearly never read Cosmo or paid any attention to the barrage of advice bombarding women day in and day out about how they’re supposed to tweak and fix and primp and change themselves in every possible way just to get and keep a man’s attention.

      Ha! Yeah, it’s not like the entire make up and fashion industries largely depend on women not feeling like their unaltered bodies are good enough.

  2. You’re right, for the most part. Women can usually tell when people (men) hate us. Usually. Not always.

    The reason we’re not always sure when men hate us, AND the bigger issue (in my mind) is this: (often) men don’t realize they hate us.

    They have no fucking idea (not that this excuses their hatred or the misogynistic behavior). They don’t realize (admit?) they hate us because they couch it in language of rationality, “facts,” and “logic” (as “truth”). They don’t realize (admit?) they hate us because the bullshit sounds friendly coming out of their mouths. My guess is that they’re often fooled by the same cultural programming as we are — programming that reinforces all of those godawful binaries where one term is privileged over the other (man/woman, logic/emotion, etc).

    Yeah, so that whole thing… “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck… ” is bullshit. Sometimes the duck is a misogynistic fuck. Ok… that made more sense in my head…

    Anyway, I’ve been trying to write this idea out (dude, you hate me but you don’t know it) for a while now. Perhaps I’ll revisit it now that I’m all fired up again.

    (Sorry if I took this in a direction you didn’t intend. I won’t be offended if you delete.)

    • Ooh, that would be a really interesting blog post. In addition to men not realizing they hate us (or at least have no respect for us), I think the sheer pervasiveness of that kind of bullshit makes it hard to pick out the people who hate us extra hard, as well as making it feel pointless to hold out for someone who hates us a little less than normal.

  3. “if you’re going to tell me not to feed the trolls, you’ll save us both some time if you just go fuck yourself now and spare me the pointless whining about how trolls will totally go away if I’m a good girl and just ignore them like you want me to. Quietly ignoring the asshats of the world fails to send the message that their behavior is not okay.”

    Hear hear. The “stop feeding the trolls” bullshit, in any setting, never serves much to stop them.

    As for the commenter above; it is often fairly difficult to untangle the devious web of cultural sexism we’re constantly bathed in. I try and do my part (and if fact have a couple posts up currently about that), but it is still a constant and difficult battle we have to go through.

    I’ve come to realise my problematic impulses and thoughts partially thanks to posts like this, and reading other feminism/general social justice blogs and absorbing the contents, then using that and my mighty manly intelligence (is there a sarctag here?) to stop fucking doing it. Apparently MRAs and their ilk (going their own way, red pill, and so on) can’t figure it out, which kind of puts a damper on their male superiority concepts.

    • The “stop feeding the trolls” bullshit, in any setting, never serves much to stop them.

      Yep. The whole ‘be a good girl and swallow those unladylike feelings’ thing is just such a waste of time. And as a programmer I’m deeply offended by the idea that ‘just ignore it’ is the best we can do. Moderation, filtering, banning, user reporting systems, they’re not fucking rocket science. …but that’s a whole separate rant.

      Apparently MRAs and their ilk (going their own way, red pill, and so on) can’t figure it out, which kind of puts a damper on their male superiority concepts.

      Hee! Apply cold water to burned area, as the meme says 🙂

  4. In the social sciences, sample sizes under 30 are generally considered too small to generate significant data. Randomization, controls/comparisons, and an actual rigorous testing method are required to perform a valid study. Results must be repeatable by other researchers. The plural of anecdote is not data, damnit!

    “… women have way more options that men in the dating scene, as a result women don’t see the need of developing any skills to satisfy their men. In simple words, they bring nothing new to the table. The only ones that do are usually the fat or old ones because they think they need to be kinky to make up the deficiencies they have.”

    I love the underlying assumption that the only reason a woman would be kinky or even minimally responsive in sexual situations is “to satisfy their men.” We couldn’t possibly do sex things because we love sex. We would never get kinky because it gets us off. That’s just crazy talk.

    We can pass over the assumption that everybody is straight and monogamous because I don’t even want to deal with the reframing needed to escape the insane idea that sex is a supply/demand marketplace in any way.

    Weight and age are deficiencies, too? Awesome. Women, take note: the unavoidable process of passing through time is something to be ashamed of, and which we’re obligated to take steps to make up for if we want to have any chance of attracting a man. We have to be perfect in appearance if we want a relationship…but we’re the ones with all the options and selection control.

    Internal inconsistency noted. In combination with insufficient sample size, lack of randomization, lack of generalizability, experiment being a “fishing expedition,” and clear evidence of personal bias, I reject the presented hypothesis. And the jerk who wrote it.

    • We couldn’t possibly do sex things because we love sex. We would never get kinky because it gets us off. That’s just crazy talk.

      And people wonder why women tend to be so uncomfortable talking about their sexual desires. Obviously ‘good’ women have no interest in sex, so only a filthy slut who deserves whatever she gets would ever dare talk about what kind of sex she likes.

      We have to be perfect in appearance if we want a relationship…but we’re the ones with all the options and selection control.

      That’s an excellent point. It just doesn’t make sense that women are simultaneously the all powerful gatekeepers of sex and disgusting troll-creatures who should be grateful for any scrap of male attention. I think on some level guys like this actually believe what Cliff Pervocracy was making fun of in their post about the beta male belief system:

      The word “woman” refers exclusively to slender, outgoing, fashionable, conventionally beautiful heterosexual white women under 30 who aren’t too slutty. Other types of woman aren’t undesirable so much as nonexistent.

      If these guys would just stop using the same word for ‘women they would ever deign to fuck’ and ‘disgusting troll creatures’ they would be so much easier to follow. They’d still be assholes, but at least we’d have some idea what they were talking about.

      • “Obviously ‘good’ women have no interest in sex, so only a filthy slut who deserves whatever she gets would ever dare talk about what kind of sex she likes.”

        Even in the sex positive community I’m lucky enough to have around here, women talking directly about the sex we want is anomalous. I see lots of flirting and suggestive behavior, but generally women wait for men to be direct or make a move (side note: the scene here is far too heterosexual. Sad Nic.) Directness startles men. Even the ones who like it (or say they do) act a little uncomfortable, and many of them will joke that it’s “guy” behavior. So they like direct women. But they’ll tell direct women that directness=masculine. Then be confused that women who embrace their femininity aren’t direct.

        These are the same dudes who complain there aren’t enough women at comic cons two seconds after telling batman-obsessed cosplaying gamer chicks we’re not “real” nerds, aren’t they.

        “The word “woman” refers exclusively to slender, outgoing, fashionable, conventionally beautiful heterosexual white women under 30 who aren’t too slutty. Other types of woman aren’t undesirable so much as nonexistent.”

        Oh my goodness, I understand now: we’re eusocial insects! The dudebro recognizes not two sexes, but three*: dudebro (“men”) hot chick (“woman”), and older/heavier mom-like persons (the asexual worker class. Technically female, but like worker ants, sterile and of no sexual use. Only good for making sammiches and entertaining “men” who have not found “women” yet.)

        *males who do not act like dudebros/asshats look like “men” in this system, but are actually just a different phenotype of asexual worker and dudebros shall therefore treat them as “useless asexual females” once the mimesis is exposed. This means it’s okay to use emasculating/feminizing slurs as insults.

          • I did mean you! 🙂 The comment about how some guys seem to divide the world into sexist dudebros (“men”), hot young things they want to bang (“women”), and woman-like non-entities/non-sexist men (“other”/”asexual worker class”). I liked that.

        • Directness startles men. Even the ones who like it (or say they do) act a little uncomfortable

          I was just talking about this with my Bunny the other day. Any time I text that I just got off while thinking about him/crave his sweet, sweet ass/etc., he responds with “perv.” He told me that he means it with admiration and not as the insult it sounds like, and I believe him. But the fact is that he’s calling me a pervert (albeit jokingly) just for finding him attractive. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Men in general are not accustomed to being objects of desire, and in my experience a lot of them find it unsettling.

          The Bunny is not the first partner to call me a pervert – not by a long shot – and a good number of those previous guys did say it in an openly disparaging tone. Guys will often whine about women not being sexual enough, or not being sexually direct enough, but then turn right around and shame their partner for these exact same traits. Seems like these dudes can’t tell the difference between “high libido when happily partnered” vs. “will fuck literally anyone she sees.” In almost all of my long-term relationships, I’ve had the higher sex drive by far, and I’m certain it made my partner worried he couldn’t satisfy me and I’d stray. So he’d needle me with a bunch of little comments to make me feel bad about straightforwardly asking for sex/orgasms/etc.

          So yeah. A lot of guys believe women are less into sex than they are, in general…but if that’s what it looks like, it’s because whenever a woman speaks up about being openly sexual she’s basically told to STFU.

  5. enjoyed reading this post, as I came across your blog from Robert Anthony’s page. I am a submissive husband living in a 24/7 service oriented WLM. I look forward to reading more from your page.

  6. Awww. It’s cute how your troll expects to attract dominant women while brandishing the attitude that women should jump through hoops to be pleasing to his boner. Nope, no cognitive dissonance there at all…

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